Friends w/no Benefits

Can we discuss the “friends with your ex” issue? Yeah I want to go there. I’m sure there are countless bloggers that have already covered this much better then myself but its finally really hit home with me.

So let’s break it down shall we?

Being friends with someone you’ve dated is a bad idea.

Actually, let’s clarify.

Being friends with someone you’ve slept with is a bad idea.

Let’s look at this from different points of view because I think it’s safe to say everyone has dealt with this on many different levels.

I know guys that I’ve been involved with and would love to have them as friends. You know why…because I don’t want to sleep with them anymore. Not even a little. Not even drunk. Not. At. All. You know why it doesn’t work?...because they’d still want to sleep with me. Just a little. Even drunk. All. The. Time.

On the flip side, there are exes I have that would still want to be with. You know why we’re not friends? Because either:
They don’t want to be with me
They’re in a relationship
If we got together, we’d be together (and still not just friends)

Now let’s turn the tables. Ever dated someone who’s still friends with their ex? Yeah – it sucks. You put on the “no, its cool…I trust you” face but it’s a lie. Maybe you do trust YOUR significant other but you know one of the aforementioned scenarios is occurring. Someone still wants someone and no matter who’s playing what role, you’re not happy about it.

Ever been told by someone that you can still be friends after a breakup? I don’t mean when someone says it just to lighten the situation or ease the pain…I mean when they actually mean it? Like they actually think that’s a probable option. Sure, let’s email once in awhile, meet up for drinks and maybe hit up a baseball game now and again.

Are you fucking serious? Yeah that sounds like a great idea. Umm, actually I’d rather just stay home and continuously stab myself in skull if you don’t mind.

After much consideration, I realized there are a few situations where this really is acceptable and might actually work:

• If you dated the person but had no sexual relationship. This usually would occur with a boyfriend/girlfriend you had when young or a relationship that lasted only a few dates
• If your ex is now gay.
• Let’s be honest – if one of the people involved is really hideously ugly now. That’s such a horrible thing to say, but true…
• If one of the people involved lives very, very far away. This one still isn’t necessarily a good thing, but the chances of actual physical contact are incredibly limited. Plus how much time are you going to spend emailing and texting a person you’ve already dated and broken up with?
• If they’re in prison. Assuming the sentence is at least a few years, what’s the harm? Although constantly being reminded that you were continuously intimate with someone who’s now behind bars might not do much for your self-esteem.
• If they’ve since had a sex-change operation or begun the process of having a sex-change operation…unless you’re bi. In that case, this one is null and void.