Insane Clown Posse (a.k.a. Let's Share Some Embarrasing Shit)

I was recently reuinited with an old high school friend online. We chatted about the obvious - where you work, married/dating, kids, etc. Then we began exchanging old stories.

She asked me if I've been to anymore Insane Clown Posse concerts.

Now, if you don't know who the Insane Clown Posse are, consider yourself extremely lucky. They're this underground rap duo - two midle aged white guys with lyrics about…I don't even know, its just awful.

So, the story behind this…

I used to work at a grocery store in the bakery department when I was in high school. There was a guy who worked in frozen food (I know, romantic, huh?) and I was completely in love with him. He was quiet and laid back yet really sarcastic and witty once you got to know him (well, I hadn't gotten to know him, but heard him talking to other people).

Because he was so withdrawn, I wanted to think of a clever way to get him to talk more. The usual smiling and making small talk with him wasn't doing the trick. We arrived at work the same day and I noticed he had a sticker/decal on the back of his car. It said "Insane Clown Posse - ICP". So I pull in next to him and, as I get out of the car, say "You like ICP too?". He looked at me, smiled and said "Yeah, YOU know who they are?". I said "What? I have all their cds". (I was praying that they had, in fact, released more than 1 cd).


So we chatted on the way into work. I avoided saying much by continuously asking him questions (a method I still use to this day). He ended the conversation by telling me he'd burn me a copy of some live album they released and bring it to work tomorrow.

I was ecstatic.

The next day I looked extra cute. As promised, he walks over with the cd and tells me that they're going to be playing a concert in Milwaukee in a few weeks…AND WOULD I WANT TO GO. I didn't miss a beat and said "I was already planning on going but my friend Sarah backed out at the last minute". (I do have a friend Sarah so not a total lie).

He smiled, asked for my number and said HE'D DRIVE ME UP THERE.

Great story, huh. Yeah it was until I got in my car and put the cd in. I figured I'd have to learn their songs before the concert and could start with the disc he gave me.

Track 1 starts and its HORRIBLE. I mean, they're trying to be really offensive and derogatory but it just comes off as really sad and funny. Think Eminem but old and fat without Dre and decent beats. I thought it was a joke and that maybe they were some sort of a comedy act (you know, they have the word clown in their name).

Yeah - not supposed to be funny. I panic and head to the nearest Best Buy. They have like 80 cds they've put out - each one shittier than the first. I listen to one at the store (remember when you could listen to the discs at the store??) and its just as bad. I freak out and think "there's no way I'm ever gonna pull this off".

Long story short, I went to the concert. It was a bunch of young white kids (aged 14-22) dressed in black, looking angry. They paint they're faces like "crazy clowns" - I'll give you a minute to finish laughing or vomitting or whatever you're doing. I refused to "dress the part" and opted for a black tank top and jean skirt - that's as "goth" as I got back then. In the fans' defense, they were all very polite and nice once I got there. And, because I was the only girl that was dressed like a girl, I got free beer (underage, at that).

But our "date" was a flop. He went crazy at the concert and thought it was "awesome" that I hooked up free beer. But his shy personality took over again when he dropped me off and I didn't even get a kiss on the cheek.

I know - I go to an ICP concert with you and you won't even put out. That's what I was thinking.

Moral of the story: I went to an Insane Clown Posse concert when I was in high school. When admitting that to people (usually drunk), I always gave the excuse that it was because the guy I liked listened to them so, like any normal teenager, I pretended to like them as well. It wasn't until I got a little older that I realized going to the concert wasn't as embarrassing as actual liking a guy who listened to that awful shit.

Its so funny how you look at things differently when you're an adult...

Beer, Cheese...and No Spring

So I wake up and am greeted by the most wonderful thing...a breeze from the window I had open all night. Yes...my 1st night sleeping in this apartment with the bedroom window open. I love the smell of morning air as I lay lounging in bed on a weekend.

That was only a few hours ago. Now...rain. Cold. More rain.

Just checked the weather on MSN.com and rain for the next 3 days. Oh and temperature highs of only 55 for the next 10 days.



Get me out of this fucking state.

You Don't Know Everything, Robert Frost

It officially feels like spring today. Here in the Midwest the temperature hit a high of 79 degrees. Lovely.

The weather hasn't been this warm in over half a year and, as luck would have it, I have a hair appointment this afternoon. I'd consider rescheduling but its been months - yes, MONTHS - and I'm sick of being reminded what my natural hair color is.

And although the weather is warm and the sun is shining, a certain problem is still on my mind. I don't feel like getting into the specifics (not because its too personal to blog about but because I really just don’t feel like typing that much).

Don't you ever wish you could live two lives? I don't mean have one of "you" go to work and the other sit at home all day (although that would be an advantage). I mean have one of "you" that would sacrifice and change lifestyles to be with a certain someone? The other "you" could maintain your independence, live alone and do as you please.

Its like that Robert Frost poem "The Road Not Taken". What if the path that's "less traveled by" doesn't end all that well for you? What if the road that everyone else took is better? It'd be nice if you could see where both took you. One Erica goes down the well-trodden road…the other Erica takes the less popular one. They could keep in touch through texts and weekly phone calls. Maybe agree to meet for drinks every once in awhile?

So I'm standing here with my two roads in front of me and you know what I want to do? Pitch a tent and hang out at the crossroads for awhile. Maybe open a bar right at this spot so fellow travelers can have a place to forget all the decisions ahead of them.

But Frost is onto something here and eventually you have to pick.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Poor is the new Atkins

Being poor helps me diet.

I’m not saying that I’m barely struggling to stay alive here but my disposable income has suffered tremendously recently. I used to live with my fiancé until I broke that off and got a place of my own. The sudden sense of freedom was exhilarating and life-changing…and then it just became expensive. People ask me how I can stand living alone and I tell them it’s wonderful except when it comes to paying the bills. Yeah – I pay 100% of everything. Ugghh!

So, whether it was from stress (cuz honestly breaking off an engagement is stressful in retrospect) or holidays (yep, smart Erica decided to move out December 1) or all the takeout/fast food I ate while moving and unpacking…I GAINED WEIGHT.

Last summer I had a nice figure and was on my way to a really nice figure. I had lost about 35 lbs. and was working out 4 days/week. I bought a whole new wardrobe to accommodate my success – jeans, work pants, skirts, bras, shirts, sweaters – all in smalls and size 4’s. Now I’m too fat to fit into it.

So, I decided dieting would be a good idea for multiple reasons: look better, feel better, save money on junky food I eat on a way too regular basis and, in the end, get my entire new wardrobe to wear!

And so far it’s been pretty easy…but not for the right reasons. I should say I changed my eating habits because it’s healthy and makes me feel better and helps me lose the weight.

Ultimately I diet because I’m broke. If I have a $20 bill in my pocket – the choice between McDonalds’ and some Bare Minerals eye shadow isn’t too hard. Hmmm….no McDonalds = skinnier Erica = more money to spend on things that make me look pretty.

(Umm…it also leaves me with a bigger liquor/going out budget but we don’t need to get into that)

I’m writing a book and it should hit your nearest Barnes & Noble any day now.

It’s called “A Shrinking Wallet Can Lead to a Shrinking Waistline”.

And to think people believe money buys happiness…

People need to stop burning popcorn here.


We're all adults and I'm sure have popped a bag of popcorn in a microwave before. Why is it so hard to figure out for some people?

Everytime I walk down to the cafeteria to get hot water for my tea in the afternoon, I smell burnt popcorn. And its not just in the designated "microwave room"…it drifts down the hall, up the stairs and into the office areas.

If they make smokers go outside, why don't they make people pop their popcorn there too?

Observations on a Friday afternoon

Traffic Karma - do you notice that traffic going to work in the morning is always extra light…but going home, its always extra heavy? They should approve an ordinance that says its ok to drink a maximum of 2 alcoholic beverages on your drive home…although that could get sticky with all those silly drunk driving laws.

I hate it when people try to get my attention by pretending to say something aloud to themselves when really they just want you to comment on it. Be a grown-up and just address me like an adult. I don't know what causes people to do this or what the common denominator is. Did your mom ignore you when you were a child? Lack of friends? Constant need to interact with someone? Whatever the case, I hate you and please be quiet.

I'm always floored when people express their opinions on controversial subjects and social issues to people they hardly know. I had a coworker tell me how opposed he is to gay marriage. Now whether you are for or against gay marriage is not my point. My point is: why would you just say this to someone you only know through work? On top of it, it was the first time I've met this guy. You don't know how I feel? Maybe I'm gay? Maybe my brother is? People just shock the hell out of me, I guess.

Its been my experience that whenever someone says "I don't think _____ likes me" but phrases it as a question, they already know the answer.

Don’t you love it when gossipy people get gossiped about? Its really a beautiful thing.

Don't ever come back with "fine…then be that way" because I already am being "that way", dummy.

Anyhow....

I'll leave you with a really good quote I read today:

"Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted"

Facebook BFF?

So, the Facebook issue.

Let me first start off by saying I've connected with a lot of people that I've missed dearly over the last few years. Old college friends, grade school pals and even a past boyfriend or two (umm…not that kind of connected). Plus it lets someone like myself - by that, I mean someone who avoids telephone conversations like the plague - keep in touch with current friends.

My point being that it's been an enjoyable experience…so far.

Then there's the other aspect. Random people I know (and I use the term "know" loosely) wanting to be my "friend".

I'm talking individuals from high school who I barely spoke more than 5 sentences to (and in a graduating class of only 85 people, that's very very sad). I'm not saying I was too popular to talk to them nor were they too cool to talk to me. We just didn't have anything in common. We didn't have anything to say to each other.

So why am I getting friend requests along with messages like "Erica, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in forever!".

Umm…because we aren't friends. We were never friends, currently aren't friends and I would bet my life savings (which in this economy honestly isn't that much) that we never will be friends. So what do you want?

Is it people's innate obsession to know as many other people as possible? Are we all still carrying a lunch tray through a junior high school cafeteria, hoping we're welcome at every table? Is everything (including Facebook) still just a front for yet another popularity contest?

I don't have the answers but, in the meantime, I'm denying your friend request.

Healthy Eating is for Suckers

Let me take a minute here to gripe about healthy eating.



It's expensive.

Anyone who claims that making food at home is cheaper than going out to eat all the time obviously hasn't opened their eyes long enough to notice all the restaurant and bar food bargains out there. There's $1 menus at all fast food places. A coffee and donut at the gas station is $2. Every local bar within a 15 mile radius of me has not only drink specials every day (big smooch to Sullivan's for your Buy One, Get One Free happy hour!) but also food specials. Shenanigan's bar has $2.25 food specials EVERY DAY - burgers, pizza, brats, tacos, chicken sandwiches. Plus a side of fries is only $1.25.

low-fat organic pizza = $7.99
organic hamburger patties = $6.99/4
Greek low fat yogurt = $1.99 FOR 1 SERVING
organic milk = $5.99/gallon
Skinny Cow ice cream cones = $5.29/4

And then I go to the local pet shop and buy this:

Exclusive cat food. The BIG BAG. Costs $23 plus tax. That feeds BOTH cats for over a month - breakfast, lunch and dinner. Can you imagine only spending $10/person for food every month.

That's why their lives look like this:

I spend three times that at the liquor store…IN ONE TRIP.

That's why my life looks like this:

Strep throat, Huey Lewis nude and other rants...

So, I'm fighting off a cold which luckily developed into strep throat. I'm quarantined to my apartment for the next 24 hours but that hasn't stopped me from having a really interesting weekend.

Got some cleaning done. Bought one of these last week:


Its a FURemover. Umm...works like a charm! Really. If you have pets, this will remove the fur like crazy. Only costs about $6.

I made a trip to the video store since I watched my Netflix movies already. I picked up this:

Already seen it but its wonderful. Can't wait until next season comes out on DVD.

Rented this also:

Based on a recomendation. Its really, really good. Great acting, interesting storylines and (bonus!) my favorite 80's musician - Huey Lewis - is in it. Umm....but no one mentioned that you see his penis in it. Yeah - Huey Lewis's penis. Great. Really just a fuckin nightmare. The guy totally looks and reminds me of my dad...hence why I've always liked him...HENCE WHY THIS WAS SO FUCKING TERRIBLE!

What's next...audio clips of Joe Montana doing phone sex? Ugghhh...am gonna have nightmares for months.

Well, the snow should start falling any minute now. What happened to the "April showers bring May flowers"? Does that include April snow showers?

I Heart Dexter

I just finished season 2 of Dexter. I love you, Michael C. Hall. Great fuckin' show!

THANK YOU NOTES

Dear Spring,
Thanks for taking so long to get here. I was worried winter was over after only 8 short months...

Dear Vogue,
Thank you for continually making me feel incredibly fat and unattractive all these years…oh, and also poor and unsophisticated on top of it.

To Vera Bradley,
Thanks for making such fucking horrible, tacky purses that every woman over the age of 40 seems to love. Its such a good investment to spend hudreds of dollars on a bag that's made out of cotton and looks like something you'd find at a yard sale.



Dear Mom,
Thank you for joining Facebook. It not only provides us withyet another form of communication but also gives you keen insight into my personal life and all of my friend's personal lives.


Dear Runnersworld.com,
Thanks for pointing out that marathon training not only DOESN'T aid in weight loss but can actually cause weight gain. Wow, that's exactly the result I was looking for! To think I was wasting time watching TV and eating McDonalds to gain weight - I could've been running 10 miles/a day and gotten the same effect.